Friday, May 2, 2008

Hodge Podge

I haven't been posting lately. I just haven't felt like it. Our lives have been busy. We had a week away at the beach. That was fun, but diabetes was there with us every day. Izzy's blood sugars were in the 300's most of the time we were there. We made some changes.

Since then her blood sugars have been almost perfect. It has been nice not to feel so worried about her blood sugars. It is always nice when diabetes is not the main thing that we think about all day long. But, the last couple of days she has been running high again and I completely forgot for the last two days to send her blood sugars in to the endo's office to get some feedback about them.

The little break from high blood sugars and then their subsequent return have me thinking a lot about how all of this effects Isabelle. She has major emotional outbursts when she is high or low or dropping or rising quickly. It is almost impossible to deal with. As a parent my first instinct is to use time out to deal with the outbursts and the misbehaving. Then I realize that she is low/high and then I start to wonder if I am doing the right thing. I hate that diabetes makes me do a double take almost daily about my parenting abilities. I really hate not knowing what to do. I really, really, really hate how diabetes changes my daughter. When she is high or low she is mean and belligerent. She calls me names and yells at me. She has even started telling me that she doesn't love me. She says I am mean.

I know that this is a normal part of childhood. I know that most if not every child goes through this with their parents. It just really pisses me off that I don't have my sweet wonderful girl every day. One of my fellow d-bloggers posted about this a few days ago. His post really made me think about it.

I have begun going to a JDRF support group in my area. When Izzy was first diagnosed there wasn't one. It has really been helpful. I have met some really wonderful women there. So far everyone that I have met has been a Mom of a child with diabetes. Last week I met a Mom of a 4 year old who has just recently been diagnosed. I was soooo glad to meet her and her daughter. I told Isabelle about it and she is really looking forward to meeting the little girl. It is a little sad just how excited she is about meeting another girl her age that has this crazy disease. She was literally jumping up and down. Another fellow d-blogger spoke about this on her blog recently. I can't even imagine what it will be like for Isabelle to talk to another child who is her same age that is having to deal with this disease the same way that she is. I know that for me, as a mother, it is so exciting to meet another mother who is going through the same things that I am. It really helps to talk to someone who is walking in similar shoes.

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