When will I be able to relax?

Now that we are dealing with this disease I often wonder when will I ever feel relaxed? Will it ever happen again? I was driving home today from a playgroup and lunch out with our playgroup friends and I passed a swimming pool. I almost instantly remembered the feeling of laying next to a calm pool in the warm sun and not thinking about anything. Falling asleep without a care in the world other then do I have enough sunscreen on. I don't think I will ever feel that way again. I was just getting to the point with Isabelle that I felt like I didn't have to watch her ever single minute of the day. She was getting old enough for me to feel comfortable with taking a nice long shower without having to stress out about leaving her alone too long. Now that feeling of relief is gone. It has been replaced by anxiety. Constant anxiety.

The kids have both finally been sleeping though the night again (Thank God!!) but I still find myself either waking up and worrying about Isabelle and if she is too low or too high or dreaming funky dreams about her or about running away from whatever is chasing me. Let me take a big guess what that is. I have to say that I am really, really, really thankful to my husband and to God that I don't have to work right now. I think if I had one more thing on my plate that I would never be able to rest.

Sorry about this post. I know that it isn't all that uplifting or even very interesting. I just needed to vent and I am kind of hoping that some of you D parents out there can give me a little feedback on how long it is before you can stop stressing completely about your child. I know that I will always worry about her and it will always be there. I'm just hoping that I can get to relax a little sometime soon. We are headed for the beach this weekend so I hope that will help.