Hodge Podge

I haven't been posting lately. I just haven't felt like it. Our lives have been busy. We had a week away at the beach. That was fun, but diabetes was there with us every day. Izzy's blood sugars were in the 300's most of the time we were there. We made some changes.

Since then her blood sugars have been almost perfect. It has been nice not to feel so worried about her blood sugars. It is always nice when diabetes is not the main thing that we think about all day long. But, the last couple of days she has been running high again and I completely forgot for the last two days to send her blood sugars in to the endo's office to get some feedback about them.

The little break from high blood sugars and then their subsequent return have me thinking a lot about how all of this effects Isabelle. She has major emotional outbursts when she is high or low or dropping or rising quickly. It is almost impossible to deal with. As a parent my first instinct is to use time out to deal with the outbursts and the misbehaving. Then I realize that she is low/high and then I start to wonder if I am doing the right thing. I hate that diabetes makes me do a double take almost daily about my parenting abilities. I really hate not knowing what to do. I really, really, really hate how diabetes changes my daughter. When she is high or low she is mean and belligerent. She calls me names and yells at me. She has even started telling me that she doesn't love me. She says I am mean.

I know that this is a normal part of childhood. I know that most if not every child goes through this with their parents. It just really pisses me off that I don't have my sweet wonderful girl every day. One of my fellow d-bloggers posted about this a few days ago. His post really made me think about it. http://eyesrubbed.blogspot.com/2008/04/life-is-good.html

I have begun going to a JDRF support group in my area. When Izzy was first diagnosed there wasn't one. It has really been helpful. I have met some really wonderful women there. So far everyone that I have met has been a Mom of a child with diabetes. Last week I met a Mom of a 4 year old who has just recently been diagnosed. I was soooo glad to meet her and her daughter. I told Isabelle about it and she is really looking forward to meeting the little girl. It is a little sad just how excited she is about meeting another girl her age that has this crazy disease. She was literally jumping up and down. Another fellow d-blogger spoke about this on her blog recently. http://tnmtcur.blogspot.com/2008/04/marc-recently-requested-sample-omnipod.html I can't even imagine what it will be like for Isabelle to talk to another child who is her same age that is having to deal with this disease the same way that she is. I know that for me, as a mother, it is so exciting to meet another mother who is going through the same things that I am. It really helps to talk to someone who is walking in similar shoes.

A year and a day ago...

One year ago yesterday we spent our time doing whatever we wanted. If we wanted to go to the park we went. We were not ruled by a clock or by a schedule. We did not know about counting carbs or about Humalog or Lantus. We didn't know about the Red Glucagon kit. We didn't know about blood sugar meters.

Boy...how things have changed.

Wonder if I'll be bald

by the time my kids are off on their own? LOL! Isabelle's numbers have been extremely crazy lately. They have been seriously out of control for over two weeks now. I keep faxing the endo and we keep trying new things. They work for like a minute and then BLAM!!!! Crazy again. It makes me feel like pulling out my hair.

I looked back over her stats for the last week and we have numbers ranging from 24 (yeah...you read that right...24!!!!) to 450. I am completely exhausted trying to figure out what is going on. I know that she has a cold and has had one for a little over a week. I sent her to school today because she has been feeling better and got a call around 11:00 saying that they tested her because she was acting weird and she was 301. I went and got her and called the peds on the way. I got her an appointment for the afternoon and when we went in they said that yeah they can tell that she has a cold but it doesn't look that bad. But, her numbers should not be that crazy just from a little cold so we have to put her on meds in the hopes of getting her better quickly and getting her blood sugars back in control. So, here we go again. I do have to say that it has been around a month since we have had to make a visit to the peds. Yeah for me.

The timing is really off for this illness. Izzy has an endo appointment for this Friday. Since her numbers have been so crazy the last couple of weeks I bet her A1C is going to be way worse then the last time. Maybe it won't be so bad.

Oh yeah... the 24. Yesterday she went to school. I went in as usual at lunch time and she was in the 200's ( can't remember exactly and am too lazy as I write this to get up and look at the log) so I did a correction for the high and gave her the right amount of insulin for the lunch. After we came home we layed down for a nap and Izzy woke me up saying that she felt low. I checked her and my heart lept into my throat as it does every time I hear the monitor do that special low beep. I looked at it and almost fell over. It did come up fairly easily though. A half hour later she was at 180. I just have to feel for her though...I can not imagine how I would feel if I were the one that had to deal with that change in blood sugars.

She has been really crazy behaviour wise lately. She has been defiant and mean and of course I am the one that she takes it out on most of the time because I am the one that is around her the most. She is usually pretty good at school...or at least that is the story that I get from her teachers. But when she gets home...man! She is talking back and yelling and pushing her little brother. I don't know what to do with her. I am sort of pulled in two about how much to discipline her. I know that she has to learn how to control her emotions and her temper no matter what her blood sugar is, but I also think that it has got to be really hard to do that when you are going from 24 to 300 in a little over and hour. Right now I am just trying to keep her in check without freaking out too much until she is a little more in control.